Critics’ Wrap-Up & Other Goodies w/c 6 May
Snark and invective. William Sitwell breaks wind. Jay Rayner goes to Paris to eat bad food. Red Lobster boils itself. My mini-reviews from Scotland.
Hello friends. I hope you’re all enjoying the (very) late arriving spring here in the UK. I was in Scotland last week, and the sun shown on four — FOUR — of the eight days that I was away. Also, it didn’t rain. Well, not really. It was a weather miracle.
I’m writing this on the train back to London. If you’ve never done the east coast main line between magical Edinburgh and Berwick-on-Tweed on a sunny day, make some plans. The North Sea just glows. Bright green grass. Grazing sheep. Sailboats. Timeless beauty. (We’ll just airbrush out the container ship in the distance.) It’s an HDR reminder that train travel is always superior to a flight on a comparable route.
Let’s get to this week’s critics, shall we? They are crabby and crotchety, which always makes for entertaining reading.
Critics’ Review
* William Sitwell (Telegraph) goes to Fancatelli in Mayfair and delivers this money quote: “Deep-fried veg of a dull flavour, useful only if you wish to break wind savagely in two hours’ time” adding that the “food that arrived was oily, gloopy and depressing.” Ouch.
* Jay Rayner (Observer) was in Paris where he absolutely hated Public House. While he explains his rationale for travelling to Paris to eat English pies in the review. I’m surprised that Jay was surprised to be underwhelmed. What self-respecting French chef would work in an English pie place? I mean, come on.
* Grace Dent (Guardian) has a shockingly bad service experience in the new branch of “wildly inauthentic” Poppies in Portobello Road.
* Andy Hayler (independent critic) checks out 1890 by Gordon Ramsay but isn’t bowled over. “Although the meal was generally very enjoyable, at this price I was hoping for rather more, and there are some better-priced alternatives around London.” Andy doesn’t really do snarky invective, so this is about as damning as it gets.
He also tries Bronzo in Chiswick and calls it “a welcome addition to the Chiswick neighbourhood, a welcoming family-run affair serving enjoyable food.”
* Tanya Gold (Spectator) offers a weirdly backhanded review of Five Guys with a hint of a nasty, anti-American bias and dislike lurking just below the surface. Although, maybe she just hates burgers.
* Laura Pullman (Sunday Times) goes to Notting Hill for tacos at Danny Trejo’s new spot. The review is mostly a fluffy interview with Trejo, but concludes that the food is just okay and the service is spotty. Trejo seems to be repeating the playbook from his L.A. place: Do lots of fawning interviews then sell lots of tacos.
* Jim Famurewa (Standard) has better luck at new Greek spots Oma and Agora in Borough Market where “members of the team carried a swaddled, whole pig carcass through thronging, dimly-lit crowds, like butchers stopping at a rave on the way to a delivery.” Sounds awesome.
* Tim Hayward (FT) visits the Devonshire in SoHo, which gives him the chance to write about “doomscrolling Escoffier.” He loves it, as everyone else has, and concludes: “The food was exemplary, the hospitality superb and the venue the stuff of dreams. Perhaps most importantly, at The Devonshire they’ve created a kind of Jurassic Park. A facility for the scientific resurrection of the Soho Afternoon. And, like a more stubbly Laura Dern, I stand agape in wonder.” I tried it before Christmas and can attest that it’s a great spot for a Professional Lunch (or dinner).
* Gavin Hanly (Hot Dinners) checks out Roe, the new place in Canary Wharf from the Fallow team. I’m eager to try Roe, and to do something more extensive about Canary Wharf. Watch this space.
* Tom Parker Bowles (Mail on Sunday) visits A Braccetto in Earl’s Court as has ‘decent’ pizza.
* Giles Coren (Times) goes to Hull.
All You Can’t Eat
I am aware that Red Lobster doesn’t exist in London. But it is a big deal in the USA. Decades ago, it brought accessible (and pretty tasty) seafood to American cities and towns. When I was in my first job in the mid-1990s, they offered a lunch deal: all-you-can-eat soup, salad, and cheesy bread for $4.95. My colleagues and I piled in once a week. And to be fair, it was probably the healthiest thing I was eating at the time. The offer was also genius marketing. Because someone would usually order something pricier and more profitable. The offer drove foot traffic. The rest of the menu drove the average spend higher.
But now Red Lobster is at risk of bankruptcy, and click-chasing sub-editors would like you to believe that the same sort of deal may be to blame. The chain’s “endless shrimp” (that’s prawns for most of my readers) promotion is sinking the business! (They say.) “We knew the price was cheap, but the idea was to bring more traffic in the restaurants,” said the company’s CFO on an earning’s call. “So we wanted to boost our traffic, and it didn’t work.”
Turns out that the endless shrimp aren’t to blame. The recipe for disaster is more likely a good lump of serial mismanagement mixed with a handful of private equity pump-and-dump philosophy and blended with a really stupid property lease-back scheme.
Still, even though it’s a big chain, I’d hate to see Red Lobster go. And I think a lot of Americans in pretty much every corner of the country would agree.
The Independent has a great write-up of the situation, and the FT uses the Red Lobster wobble to explore the economics of all-you-can-eat buffets more broadly.
Ikoyi + Uber Eats = Stupid Star Stunt
Ikoyi is a two Michelin starred west-African inspired spot in Aldwych. The food is excellent and occasionally really revelatory. It’s a great place for a long lunch.
They’ve done a deal with Uber Eats to deliver what they claim is “the UK’s cheapest two Michelin-starred menu.”
I’m sorry, but I think this is stupid. They’re offering it on limited days — May 10 and 11 only. It smacks of desperation on the part of the Ikoyi team, who cheapen their brand while giving Uber Eats exactly what they’re after: a moment of association with a high quality place, as though the platform’s most popular orders aren’t pizza, burgers, and burritos.
Next time, just float something down the Thames.
Coverage from Restaurant and Hot Dinners. And the Standard offers a semi-pointless review / preview of the food.
Hits & Misses: St. Andrews, Gullane, & Edinburgh, Scotland
Scotland was amazing, beautiful, alluring, and hospitable, as it always is. I was on a golf trip with a bunch of friends and thought I would share a word or two on some of the spots we tried. St. Andrews, Gullane, and Edinburgh are all great spots to spend a few days even if you’re not a golfer. If you want more suggestions, please drop me a line.
Hit: Little Italy, St. Andrews
Fantastic, red-checked-table-cloth place just off Market Street. Delicious pasta, excellent wine selection, perfectly cooked veal, and friendly welcoming service that treated a group of visiting golfers like a bunch of regulars. I eat there every time I go to St. Andrews, and I can’t recommend it strongly enough.
Hit: Tailend, St. Andrews
Fish and chip counter in the front, excellent fresh fish restaurant in the back. Affordable, seasonal, and mostly local Scottish seafood. An absolute gem. And again, lovely, warm, and welcoming service for a flock of noisy golfers. My first time, but I will be back. (Anyone got ideas for a collective noun for a group of golfers? Reply and let me know. I’ll put a selection in next week’s update.)
Hit: 18 Restaurant, Rusack’s Hotel, St. Andrews
The new rooftop restaurant overlooks the 18th hole at the Old Course. The menu is mostly meaty, although two friends had sole and loved it. Wine list offers some great values if you hunt a little. And the vibe couldn’t be more fun. Three thumbs up.
Hit: The Bonnie Badger, Gullane
From Chef Tom Kitchin, a great menu that is superbly executed. Friendly, accommodating service. Gullane’s best by far. And these days, well ahead of the sadly tired Roux restaurant at Greywalls Hotel.
Miss: The Ivy on the Square, Edinburgh
Okay, in my defence, I needed a booking on Saturday night in Edinburgh for 16 people, and I have an ‘in’ with the Ivy chain that meant I could get one. Also, it was across St. Andrews Square from our hotel. And everything was fine. Just fine. Really okay. A mouthful of meh. Except they need a new steak purveyor, or cook, or something. And a better wine list. And shepherd’s pie that wasn’t made in an industrial kitchen.
Conclusion
I seem to have taken snark lessons from the critics this week. But it’s good to be headed back to London, and I am looking forward to this week’s review, which is going to tackle a favourite lunchtime topic of mine (and yours): Sandwiches.
Get ready. The snark will continue.
Enjoy the bank holiday. I’ll see you back here on Wednesday.
And by the time you read this, it will be time for lunch.