Begging for the Bill. Early lunch, today only. Loos Assessed. Critics & More.
Tim goes for burgers. David loves Fonda tacos. Grace lets her hair down. Charlotte drinks "natty wine."
Hello, everyone. Happy Monday. Three quick things:
I’ve done a big update on the London Guide. It’s still arranged by occasion, but it now includes all of the places I’ve reviewed (and liked) in the last few months. I’ve also updated the custom Google Map, so you can easily search by location. Please bookmark both, and even better, please share with friends and colleagues.
Yesterday, the clocks went back an hour, so your stomach is going to be expecting lunch an hour earlier usual. I hereby grant you permission to follow that instinct. You’re welcome.
Now a question: Are you in the office today? Go-to-office mandates seem to be getting both more numerous and more aggressive. There have been reports from the U.S. of companies firing employees for persistent non-compliance.
Just remember: If you’ve taken the trouble to come to the office, give yourself permission to enjoy lunch.
Though that brings us to this existential post-lunch question:
Why is it so Hard to Get the Bill?
Nick Lander opens his article this week recounting the end of a disappointing lunch at Marceline in Canary Wharf.
I had my bill (£118.13 for two) and my credit card ready. But we were unable to attract the attention of anyone with the crucial card machine. One of the three staff was talking to another table. A second was wiping down tabletops. And a third was busy looking at her screen. I finally had to get up and walk over to her, but not before my guest pronounced, ‘I wish all my staff were here to see this. It’s an object lesson in how not to run a restaurant.’
In my experience, the struggle to (a) get the bill and (b) get someone to bring the damn card machine are challenges unique to service culture in the UK.
In the U.S., you ask for the check, and it arrives immediately. If you’re ready with your card, the server will sort payment at once. In Europe, asking for the bill normally precipitates a rapid transaction. Merely showing your card on a table or in your hand usually gets results.
But in the UK, even at really good restaurants, there’s an evident sense that a diner’s request for the bill can be managed in “due course.”
This is a particular problem during a Professional Lunch, when one or more of those diners might need to get back to the office or off to another meeting.
For example, during a recent lunch at Sael (review coming next week), a top flight place, my guest needed to run. It took me three attempts to actually secure the bill. Requests to our waiter and then the restaurant manager (FFS) were ignored so they could do “other things.” Only a direct appeal to the person at the front desk got a result. And then we had to flag someone down to bring the card machine.
There are few things that exasperate me more in a restaurant than asking for the bill then seeing the server drift off to fill a water or run an order or whatever.
The sequence should be simple. Receive the request. Walk to the till. Print the bill. Bring it directly back to the table. Ideally with the card machine. No one is paying cash anymore.
Why is this so hard? And why is it seemingly more difficult in the UK than elsewhere in the world?
A few years ago, I was working for a major airline, and we were studying the customer journey. One of our key learnings was that the first experience (booking) and the last experience (usually luggage collection) had a disproportionate impact on customer satisfaction.
I am certain that the same is true here. The very best restaurant service experience can be spoiled by a difficult experience in paying the bill.
If I were a restaurant manager, I would work very hard to ensure that these sort of problems never, ever happen. Just bring the bill.
2025 UK Michelin Launch Planned for Feb.
Noted food hotspot, Glasgow, is set to host the launch of the 2025 edition of the UK Michelin Guide on 10 February. The ceremony is to be held at Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum with a party afterwards at the Old Fruitmarket.
The whole event will be streamed live on YouTube with extensive coverage on Instagram.
Mark your diaries. I know you’ll all be watching.
Who’s Got the Best Loo?
I can’t quite believe that I’m sharing this, but why not? The FT has an extensive assessment of the best restaurant toilets in London and around the world. Brooklands and The Park stand out, along with Sketch, obviously. The whole article is a marvel of earnestness, with hardly a pun to be seen.
Critics Wrap Up
✍🏻 indicates a review that you should read for the writing.
🍽️ indicates a place that sounds excellent and is probably worth a try.
🍽️ David Ellis (Standard) reviews buzzy Mexican spot Fonda in Heddon Street. “I had wrongly anticipated a bit of a party. No. This is not the place. Not with a 10pm close. It is Kol with the tasting menu cuffs undone. It is cheaper, but still expensive. It is beautiful, and the food extremely good, for the most part. Impeccable, ingratiating service. Go knowing this, and it should deliver.”
✍🏻 Charlotte Ivers (Sunday Times) checks out Sesta, which has taken over the space previously occupied by Pidgin in Hackney. “If you can get past someone saying ‘natty wine’ out loud, you’ll have a lovely evening at Sesta.” So that’s a ‘no’ from me, then.
Grace Dent (Guardian) reviews the Devonshire, the game-changing Soho pub / restaurant. “The Devonshire didn’t invent letting your hair down in Soho – that’s been going on for centuries – but that fine tradition is at least being encouraged, protected and upheld.”
Giles Coren (Times) tries Sael, the new place from Jason Atherton in St. James and also Donia, the Filipino place in Carnaby Street. He loves Sael and hates Donia, but mostly he’s written another long essay about good tables and bad tables, and honestly I lost interest last week.
Tim Hayward (FT), recovering from his reassessment of fine dining, heads to Beefy Boys in Cheltenham for burgers. “Raw joy.”
Nick Lander (jancisrobinson.com) offers a sideswipe at Marceline in Canary Wharf before reviewing Josephine Bouchon in Chelsea via a profile of its General Manager Will Smith. (No. Not that one.) “The food is solid, traditional lyonnaise in style.”
Andy Hayler (independent critic) followed Charlotte Ivers and David Ellis in reviewing age-old stalwart Daquise, the Polish place in South Ken under threat of redevelopment. Unsentimental as ever, he dissents from other critics’ warm views. “The restaurant clearly has its fans, and on this Friday lunchtime, it was pretty busy, with a number of Polish speakers around us. I rather struggled to see its appeal.”
Andy also visits Koyal, a new Indian joint in Surbiton. “The food here was already at a level most Indian restaurants in and around London can only dream of.”
Marina O’Loughlin (independent critic) has kind words for The Hero in Maida Vale. “Upstairs in the restaurant has to be the ideal date night location: dreamy.”
The upstairs restaurant at The Hero in Maida Vale is now open. Photo by the restaurant via Instagram. “Christina” (LOTI) checks out Cycene, the Michelin star place in Shoreditch, which recently welcomed a new head chef. “The standard and quality hasn’t dropped one bit.”
Chris Pople (Cheese & Biscuits) tries the Hong Kong Restaurant in Angel. “Some places are just good enough. And there's nothing wrong with that.”
William Sitwell (Telegraph) was Somerset. Jay Rayner (Observer) was in Bristol. Tom Parker Bowles (Mail on Sunday) was in Margate. Catherine Hanly (Hot Dinners) was in Suffolk.
Thanks for reading this week’s update. I’m sticking with the wine bar theme for this week’s review. And then Sael next week. Beyond that, I’m planning reviews of Kolae in Borough Market and pasta-giant Padella. Let me know if there’s anywhere else worth trying. And please subscribe if you haven’t already.